lizheartshakespeare

I don’t know how many of you know this, or even if you care, but I am an avid fan of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I know, I know, why is someone as intelligent as myself reading books designed for 14 year old’s, right? To be honest, I really don’t know. I just like the books, so lets leave it at that, shall we, and move on to the point of this particular post?

There is a paragraph in the book New Moon that struck me especially today, and I’d like to share it with you. It reads:

“But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?”

I was mulling over these words, pretty much unable to get them out of my head. For those not in the know, this part deals with the aftermath of Edward leaving Bella. More specifically after she’s finally let go of the numbness that has encroached upon her for months now.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I once identified with the character of Bella. It was after my ex committed suicide. It was, quite literally, like a steel rod had been shoved through my chest and took out most of my vital organs. Ask anyone who knows me, I was in a zombie state for months on end. I’m not even really sure what triggered my return from zombie-ville, but in the months following his death, I asked myself those very same questions more than I care to admit.

But eventually, I moved on. I was able to start my life over again without him, and eventually moved on to MUCH better things in life.

My question though, is what if I hadn’t moved on? What would have happened if I’d stayed perpetually in my zombie-like state?

Love is all that really matters in life.

Money isn’t going to help at whatever pearly gates you happen to believe in.
Hate and grudges don’t carry over into the next life.
Your pretty car and trophy wife don’t gain you any points in heaven, though I’m sure Hugh Hefner will try and tell you otherwise.
Donating to charity doesn’t earn you any brownie points, just a tax deduction.
Feeding the homeless might help temporary needs, but it doesn’t increase your standing in life.
Climbing the corporate ladder only gives you gray hair and heart attacks if your not careful.
Paying your bills on time only keeps the lights on and your credit in good standing.
Having a mortgage doesn’t make you responsible. It means your in debt up to your eye balls, and the bank is raping you every month in interest and fees.

So when all else fails, LOVE.
Unconditionally, fully, and completely, LOVE.
On the mornings when your problems seem to outweigh your solutions, LOVE.
Kiss the kids on the forehead when you would rather scream and yell. LOVE.
Curl up on the couch with the love of your life when you would rather walk away. LOVE.
Unplug the phone, turn off the tv, and send the kids to a baby sitter. LOVE.
Let the car over instead of creeping just far enough forward to where they can’t get in. LOVE.

How many of you have ever had an SO that compliments people of the opposite sex in front of you? Apparently this girl does. Considering I’ve been that girl before, I’m pretty sure she’s not alone. In my infinite wisdom, I’ve come up with a way to deal with it that (should) leave all parties (relatively) unscathed:

1. DON’T call them out on it right when it happens. Wait till you are alone to talk about it. This serves two purposes. It doesn’t embarrass him, therefore putting him on the defensive, and it gives you a chance to evaluate what happened and give you a chance to cool down.

2. When you do talk about it, make sure you are CALM and RATIONAL about it. Screaming and crying doesn’t do anybody any good, especially not you. Explain to him what he did that is upsetting you, and explain why.

3. Don’t accuse him of being a dirty, rotten, no good SO. All this does is put him on the defensive and makes it to where he’s even less willing to work on a compromise.

4. LISTEN to him. Give him a chance to explain. You’ll be able to tell from body language (eye contact, position of arms, how close he is to you, etc) whether he is being honest about his intentions or not.

5. Be willing to COMPROMISE. If he is a naturally friendly person, then you need to evaluate if your going to be okay with that. Remember, you should be willing to change just as much as your asking him to change.

Ideally, your self-esteem needs to be high enough to where your okay with your SO being a friendly person. If your not, then that is something YOU need to work on, not him. Just remember that confidence is hot.