I don’t know how many of you know this, or even if you care, but I am an avid fan of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I know, I know, why is someone as intelligent as myself reading books designed for 14 year old’s, right? To be honest, I really don’t know. I just like the books, so lets leave it at that, shall we, and move on to the point of this particular post?
There is a paragraph in the book New Moon that struck me especially today, and I’d like to share it with you. It reads:
“But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?”
I was mulling over these words, pretty much unable to get them out of my head. For those not in the know, this part deals with the aftermath of Edward leaving Bella. More specifically after she’s finally let go of the numbness that has encroached upon her for months now.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I once identified with the character of Bella. It was after my ex committed suicide. It was, quite literally, like a steel rod had been shoved through my chest and took out most of my vital organs. Ask anyone who knows me, I was in a zombie state for months on end. I’m not even really sure what triggered my return from zombie-ville, but in the months following his death, I asked myself those very same questions more than I care to admit.
But eventually, I moved on. I was able to start my life over again without him, and eventually moved on to MUCH better things in life.
My question though, is what if I hadn’t moved on? What would have happened if I’d stayed perpetually in my zombie-like state?
I don’t like to ask what-ifs because they become addicting. There are an infinite number of possibilities in every situation. You were lucky. I think most of us are lucky. We realize that love happens and sometimes it doesn’t last and we move on. What if you didn’t? I think most things in life are pointed towards us finding happiness eventually.
Yea, the what-ifs game can get to be exhausting. I was in a really weird place when I wrote this, and I thought about pulling it down, but I figured it was best to leave it up there since I was thinking it at some point.