This has been bugging me for a while, and I thought it’d be good to get it off my chest. I see a lot of women in my life complaining that their husband/boyfriend/whatever isn’t treating them right. I have a question though. How are you treating him? In the time I’ve been with Joe, I’ve found there are ten golden rules to obey when it comes to keeping him happy, and in turn, keeping MYSELF happy. Here they are:

1. SEX. I cannot emphasize this one enough, and it breaks down into a lot of sub-categories as well. How often? If your not having sex 2-3 times a WEEK, he’s not happy, and eventually he WILL go looking for it elsewhere, whether he has your permission or not. Are YOU enjoying yourself? If your not, he’ll know, and it WILL affect his performance in bed. Also, don’t fake that shit. He knows. And it hurts a lot more than he will ever tell you.

2. Shaving. And ladies, you know where I mean. Does he like it all untamed? Great, you got off easy. But make sure you ask, and don’t just assume that because he hasn’t said anything it doesn’t matter to him. Most men know its a sensitive subject, so they won’t say anything unless you bring it up, but it will affect how they perform. Unfortunately, those little hairs trap a LOT of the funk that goes on down there, and it likes to hold onto them, no matter how much you try to get rid of them. Eww. If you won’t put your head down there for a good five minutes, don’t expect him to either.

3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Or something like that. Whether we like to admit it or not, we get dirty. And sometimes, we even stink. And he notices. You won’t kiss him after he’s been working in the yard all day, so why should he cuddle with you on the couch if you smell like a bad version of last night’s dinner?

4. BACK THE FUCK OFF. If he’s upset and not talking, don’t pester him to give you details. Give him time to work that shit out, and he’ll come to you IF he’s ready. And don’t automatically assume its something you’ve done. I know this is difficult, but be PATIENT. And don’t freak out if he never does tell you. If he’s decided its not worth the conversation, then let that shit go. There’s nothing worse than a nag.

5. If your living together, keep up your end of the cleaning schedule. If its your night to do the dishes, do the fucking dishes. I know it sucks, but what guy wants to be with a lazy slob who can’t even load the damn dishwasher? Pull yourself off the couch and just go do it. It’ll go a long way, trust me.

6. Emphasize the positive. If you’ve got a great rack, show it off. If you can bounce a quarter off your ass, wear your sexy jeans every now and again, and make sure he SEES you in your sexy clothes. There are few things that make a man feel good, and knowing that his woman got all dolled up JUST for him is one of those things. So do yourself a favor and look good every once in a while. You WILL notice an improvement in his desire to be with you, trust me.

7. Show him some fucking attention. Be the aggressor every now and again. Don’t always make him work to get what he wants, give it to him before he has a chance to realize that’s what he is after. While he is more often than not ready to go at the drop of a hat, sometimes he wants to feel like he’s needed every now and again. And there is no better way to do that than to pull him away from whatever he’s doing and straddle him =D

8. Engage his OTHER interests too. While sex is WONDERFUL, its not EVERYTHING in a successful relationship. Does he like to play cards? Bust out a deck every now and again. Is he a car enthusiast? Go to the car show with him. Show him that you crave HIM, not just what’s between his legs. Women like to feel like they’re appreciated for more than just their girlie bits, so why should guys be any different?

9. Take some time for YOURSELF. Do things without him. Whether its going to see a girlfriend for coffee or an all day spa experience, take time for YOU. And on the flip side, give him time for him. Don’t get all butt hurt if he wants to go hang out with his friends without you. Its not that he doesn’t enjoy you hanging out with his friends, but he needs him time as well.

10. And finally, the most important. COMMUNICATE. If your upset, tell him why. If you’d like him to do something different, tell him. And DON’T get all defensive or butt hurt if he points out something you’ve been doing that is bothering him. People aren’t perfect. YOU aren’t perfect, and HE isn’t perfect. Just remember that he is with YOU for a reason, and one little argument SHOULDN’T be break up material. If it is, then you have more problems than I can help you with.

In this world that get me genuinely angry. Sure there are the petty day to day little things that get on my nerves, but few things get me truly angry to the point where I would consider violence. One of the main things that is sure to get a violent reaction out of me, or most people for that matter, is fucking with my family or friends. I’m nothing if not loyal, and I’m not afraid to kick the crap out of someone if they fuck with my family or friends. There have been a few instances in recent memory where Joe has had to physically restrain me in order to keep me from doing something I’d regret. Jail isn’t nice to people like me…

What I want to know is this. How many of us would honestly go to jail for defending what we value? How many of us would go to these lengths to protect the ones we love? We all say we would, myself included, but would we honestly take the proverbial bullet for the things we say we care about most in this world?

I know I’m a day late and a dollar short on this one, but I’d like to take a moment to discuss the Muslim community center that is set to be built 2.5 blocks from where the twin towers used to stand, prior to the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001 that destroyed the towers and killed over 3,000 people. The attacks were propagated by Muslim extremists, who used their religion as the reasoning behind the attacks. A vast majority of the Muslim faith have denounced the attacks in an attempt to distance themselves from the extremists who carried out the attacks, but many Americans are having a hard time accepting the news that a Muslim community center is going to be built within walking distance of where the twin towers used to be.

My first instinct is to agree with those that are against the community center being opened that close to the twin towers. We lost over 3,000 people to those attacks, not to mention the thousands more that have died as a result of the war being waged because of those very attacks (or so they say, but that’s another blog). Thousands more have been directly affected. And those terrorists genuinely believed that they had a religious obligation to attack America because of their Muslim faith.

But then, another part of me kicks into gear, and I have to realize that wait a second here, the people who attacked us were extremists. They don’t represent the whole faith community. In fact, most of that community have denounced the attacks, making it more than clear that those who carried out the attacks were NOT representative of a vast majority of the people who follow the Muslim faith. In other words, they were terrorists first and Muslim second.

And then I remember that this is America. One of the few countries where people of any faith can come and live a persecution-free life while they practice the peaceful religion of their choice. Its one of the founding principles of our country that people be allowed to practice the religion of their choice without fear that the government is going persecute them for their religious choices.

But that doesn’t change the fact that people are offended. A LOT of people are offended, and not without merit. If I had lost someone to those attacks, I’d probably be right there with the people who don’t want this community center built so close to where the towers used to stand.

So that leaves us with the question, who’s right?

I think they both are. While I wholeheartedly agree that anyone should be allowed to practice their religion wherever they want to, I also think its pretty insensitive, given the fact that many people still think Muslim = terrorist. So I guess the answer would be its a little too soon. Sure, 20 years from now it probably wouldn’t be such a hot topic, but 9 years after the attacks? Its still fresh in the minds of a lot of people, and many are still dealing with the loss of a loved one at the hands of a terrorist who happens to be Muslim.

I was sitting at my computer, playing bejeweled when it hit me. I think I understand why organizations such as the Catholic and Mormon churches are so vehemently opposed to gay marriage and homosexual relationships in general. Its not because the find it morally wrong, its because most (not all,but most) gay people don’t procreate. Even if they do, I’ve never met a gay couple or individual with more than one or two children.

The backbone of both these organizations is in their numbers. The Catholic Church boasts over 1 BILLION members. The Mormon Church, although much smaller than the Catholic church, still boasts over 13 MILLION members. And anyone who knows anything about these churches knows their stance on birth control and abortion. It begs the question if they are that way because their faith tells them to be that way or if they see the convenience in over 1 billion people worldwide popping out a bunch of kids who are more than likely going to be raised in the church by their parents. Hmm.

My question is, so what?

I’m not saying they don’t have the right to believe what they believe, regardless of the reasoning behind that belief, but who are they to actively work to deny basic human rights to people? What makes them think they have the right to push legislation that denies people the right to marry who they love?

The bible, and nearly every other major religion, teaches that we are to love people the way GOD loves people. In other words, unconditionally, without judgment or hypocrisy. How is it fair that when a heterosexual woman is hospitalized, her husband gets to decide how she is cared for, but when a homosexual man is injured, his partner isn’t even allowed to see him, let alone make decisions regarding his care? Their love is no different, their commitment no less than that of a heterosexual couple, so why are they being denied the right to take care of their loved ones?

Secondly, marriage, at least civil marriage, is handled by the GOVERNMENT, NOT the church. What happened to separation of church and state? The Mormon church poured over $5 million into the proposition 8 passage, and has probably spent MILLIONS more to keep it as law. They are staging similar battles across the country, trying to spread their bigotry and hatred as far as they possibly can.

The problem is, they are spending so much of their time and resources on something that really doesn’t concern them. Most homosexual couples aren’t walking through the doors of a Catholic or Mormon church every Sunday. They don’t conform to that belief system, and probably never will. The focus of the church needs to be internal, focusing on its MEMBERS, not people outside their sphere of influence, where they are only making it that much harder to show them the love their God supposedly has for them.

I don’t know how many of you know this, or even if you care, but I am an avid fan of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I know, I know, why is someone as intelligent as myself reading books designed for 14 year old’s, right? To be honest, I really don’t know. I just like the books, so lets leave it at that, shall we, and move on to the point of this particular post?

There is a paragraph in the book New Moon that struck me especially today, and I’d like to share it with you. It reads:

“But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?”

I was mulling over these words, pretty much unable to get them out of my head. For those not in the know, this part deals with the aftermath of Edward leaving Bella. More specifically after she’s finally let go of the numbness that has encroached upon her for months now.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I once identified with the character of Bella. It was after my ex committed suicide. It was, quite literally, like a steel rod had been shoved through my chest and took out most of my vital organs. Ask anyone who knows me, I was in a zombie state for months on end. I’m not even really sure what triggered my return from zombie-ville, but in the months following his death, I asked myself those very same questions more than I care to admit.

But eventually, I moved on. I was able to start my life over again without him, and eventually moved on to MUCH better things in life.

My question though, is what if I hadn’t moved on? What would have happened if I’d stayed perpetually in my zombie-like state?

Love is all that really matters in life.

Money isn’t going to help at whatever pearly gates you happen to believe in.
Hate and grudges don’t carry over into the next life.
Your pretty car and trophy wife don’t gain you any points in heaven, though I’m sure Hugh Hefner will try and tell you otherwise.
Donating to charity doesn’t earn you any brownie points, just a tax deduction.
Feeding the homeless might help temporary needs, but it doesn’t increase your standing in life.
Climbing the corporate ladder only gives you gray hair and heart attacks if your not careful.
Paying your bills on time only keeps the lights on and your credit in good standing.
Having a mortgage doesn’t make you responsible. It means your in debt up to your eye balls, and the bank is raping you every month in interest and fees.

So when all else fails, LOVE.
Unconditionally, fully, and completely, LOVE.
On the mornings when your problems seem to outweigh your solutions, LOVE.
Kiss the kids on the forehead when you would rather scream and yell. LOVE.
Curl up on the couch with the love of your life when you would rather walk away. LOVE.
Unplug the phone, turn off the tv, and send the kids to a baby sitter. LOVE.
Let the car over instead of creeping just far enough forward to where they can’t get in. LOVE.

How many of you have ever had an SO that compliments people of the opposite sex in front of you? Apparently this girl does. Considering I’ve been that girl before, I’m pretty sure she’s not alone. In my infinite wisdom, I’ve come up with a way to deal with it that (should) leave all parties (relatively) unscathed:

1. DON’T call them out on it right when it happens. Wait till you are alone to talk about it. This serves two purposes. It doesn’t embarrass him, therefore putting him on the defensive, and it gives you a chance to evaluate what happened and give you a chance to cool down.

2. When you do talk about it, make sure you are CALM and RATIONAL about it. Screaming and crying doesn’t do anybody any good, especially not you. Explain to him what he did that is upsetting you, and explain why.

3. Don’t accuse him of being a dirty, rotten, no good SO. All this does is put him on the defensive and makes it to where he’s even less willing to work on a compromise.

4. LISTEN to him. Give him a chance to explain. You’ll be able to tell from body language (eye contact, position of arms, how close he is to you, etc) whether he is being honest about his intentions or not.

5. Be willing to COMPROMISE. If he is a naturally friendly person, then you need to evaluate if your going to be okay with that. Remember, you should be willing to change just as much as your asking him to change.

Ideally, your self-esteem needs to be high enough to where your okay with your SO being a friendly person. If your not, then that is something YOU need to work on, not him. Just remember that confidence is hot.

Well, for me at least, it depends. If its something I’m passionate about and the person I am arguing with can be respectful about it, then yes. If my opponent can do nothing other than hurl personal insults at me and attempt to make me feel stupid, then no.

However, arguing (or debating as some like to call it) is a mastered skill, one that I’ve been honing for years. During that time, I’ve come up with a few key steps to making a successful argument:

1. Don’t base your argument on emotion. All your doing is coming off as is an emotional pain in the ass that couldn’t argue their way out of a box. Instead, research your argument and base it on fact.

2. Don’t attack the other person’s character. I will admit, I’ve done this before, and it ALWAYS ends badly. Assuming you know your opponent without actually taking the time to get to know them outside the argument always ends in disaster, usually for you.

3. Limit the curse words. It just makes you look stupid and all your really doing is attempting to pull an emotional response out of the person you are arguing with. If they’re any good at arguing they’ll see right through it and you’ll lose their respect.

4. Respect the person you are arguing with. I know this is difficult. Its still one I have yet to master, but I’m working on it. But it is key. You disagree with them, and its hard to respect them. But every person deserves respect and if you expect to sway their opinion at all then you’ll need to treat them with respect. You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar.

5. Don’t argue for the sake of arguing. All your doing is angering someone for no intended purpose and pissing them off for no reason other than to get a response.

6. Be open to changing your mind. If you can’t be willing to say okay I was wrong, then how can you expect your opponent to do the same?

7. Always keep in mind the person you are arguing with. You don’t know what kind of day they’ve had or what they are going through. You don’t know how their opinions on the subject were formed and you sure as hell don’t know how long they’ve held those opinions.

8. Be patient. If you are right then you are right, but that doesn’t mean they will see it right away, if at all. If they refuse to change their mind, then walk away. All you are doing by staying is getting more pissed off and emotional. As I explained earlier, this is never a good idea.

9. If you are incapable of having an argument with someone based on the facts then you really should not argue with them. All you are doing is turning people away from the thing you are so passionate about. There are far more capable people who can defend the very same argument based on fact. Let them do it and don’t make their lives more difficult by having to overcome their opponent’s prejudices and biases from arguing with you.

As 2009 comes to a close, its time to look back and be thankful for the many blessings we have. A roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, clothes on our back, family who love us whether they want to or not, and friends that stick closer than glue. Maybe you got lucky this year and found love in the arms of someone who cares very deeply for you, maybe you didn’t (I sure did!)

But what about those that aren’t so fortunate? Often we don’t like to think about them as much. But they need our thoughts, our prayers, and our actions, now more than ever. So the next time you see someone begging for money, go buy them lunch. Volunteer at the local homeless shelter. Donate the piles of clothes you never wear to the local goodwill. Teach your children the importance of valuing the individual rather than the statistic. Yes, there are less than scrupulous people who will try to take advantage of your generosity. But does that mean the person who has simply stumbled and needs a helping hand is any less deserving of your assistance?

This issue is rather close to my heart, not because I’ve been there, but simply because I hate to see people suffering. Every human being has the right to live a life better than the one pictured above, simply because they were born. We have action groups to make sure that animals aren’t mistreated, yet homelessness in America is an issue that is, by and large ignored by lawmakers and policy shifters the world over. Homeless people are viewed as a nuisance, something to be swept under the rug and forgotten about. That is someone’s child, someone’s loved one. Regardless of the circumstances that led them to where they are, they deserve all the help we can give them, so long as they are willing to help themselves.

So I urge you, as your getting ready for your parties and making sure your kids are tucked safely away in bed, to remember these people and resolve to help them in the new year. Its the actions of individuals that lead to change.

I want to say, But I’m too scared to say:

1. I might be pregnant.

2. I think your a horrible human being, and I’m pretty sure I hate you for the way you treat him.

3. You have no idea how much you’ve alienated the people who are supposed to care for you the most, and I feel sorry for you.

4. I wish I had the words to say to make all your pain go away.

5. I hate the way he treats you.

6. I hate the way you treat him.

7. I just wish you would hurry and grow up already.

8. I hate being the bitch, but you bring out the worst in me.

9. Your so full of energy, it scares me some times. I just hope the world doesn’t jade you as much as its jaded me.

10. I love you so much, it scares me.

Oh, and I got this idea from my good friend MyxlDove.